just sharing a story (its not mine)
i will post this story but let me say that it is not mine i got it from a fart fivtion center group so i can not take credit!
It's about 2 a.m. mike and jack plan on burglarizing a house in the
neighborhood. They've done several before and were very successful.
They pull up a block away.
Jack: do you know which house you're going to hit?
Mike: Yeah, 9114 Central Ave. There's an attractive looking girl
that lives by herself.
Jack: Is that the one with the gorgeous butt.
Mike: (smiling) Yeah!
Jack: I'll sit here in the car. Here take this radio.
Mike: (grabbing the radio) ok maintain radio silence unless the
police are near.
Jack: ok.
Mike gets out of the car on the drivers side and Jack slides over to
the driver's seat after he gets out. The windows to the car are
tinted so no one is able to see who is inside to avoid arising
suspicion. Mike gets to the rear window of the house and forces the
window open. He climbs through and observes the area, allowing his
eyes to adjust to the darkness. Thanks to the type of boots he's
wearing he can sneak around without being detected. He decides to
take a chance by going upstairs. This is something that he's never
done in the past, but he wants to see if he can get to the woman's
jewelry box. He tip-toes upstairs. He gets surveys the other empty
rooms and is relieved that no one was in them. He then goes to the
master bedroom. He very slowly turns the knob of the door and opens
it. He can see the bed and a figure under the covers. He crawls to
the dresser and opens the drawers. He reaches in and grabs anything
of value. He closes the first drawer and closes it a little too fast
and creates a sound. Just then he can hear the woman move. Scanning
around very quickly he goes under her bed, since it's high enough.
He lies on his back and waits. The woman looks around as if she
heard something. She stares in the area that she thought she heard
the noise in but sees nothing. She then realizes that she has to pee
so she goes to her personal bathroom that is located in her bedroom,
in front of the foot of her bed. She gets up turns the TV. on and
walks over to the bathroom and turns the light on. She leaves the
door open since it's only supposed to be her in the house. Mike
still remains motionless, while listening to her pee and fart. As
the woman sits there peeing and letting out several farts she notices
the boots facing upwards under her bed, as if someone is under it.
She gets up flushes the toilet and washes her hands. She turns off
the light in the bathroom. Now more observant she notices that the
door to her bedroom is slightly cracked open. She walks over and
closes it while putting the lock on. Mike is beginning to get
nervous as he watches her walk over and close the door. He decides
to turn off his radio so the woman won't be alarmed. The woman
turns the TV volume up and notices batman begins. "Drive! (Loud
background music).....What the hell are you?!.... (glass
breaking).......I'm Batman!....UH!.......Nice coat...........thanks".
The woman thinks about the weeks before and how her bf snuck in the
house by using the key she gave him and played a joke on her by
trying to scare her. When she got up to go to the bathroom he was
hiding under the bed and grabbed her foot. She thinks oh ok he's
trying to scare me again. She opens up her drawer and gets the set
of handcuffs that the play around with. She reaches under the bed and
quickly grabs Mikes' feet and drags him from under the bed. Mike
watches and thinks Oh shit I've been discovered. He watches as the
tall woman drags him on the floor. She put the handcuffs on his
ankles and sits on his stomach kind of hard. The force knocks the
wind out of Mike. The woman turns her head noticing the ski mask and
says "Nice try Greg but you shouldn't have tried to play the same
trick twice within a week". "So now it's my turn to have some fun."
Oh yeah I had 3 bowls of chili and a few beers to wash it down, so
you're about to have the time of your life". She sits on his chest
and bounces her 6'3 245lbs ass on him. Mike just watches in pain as
the woman's well rounded rear crushes him only wearing a night shirt
and thongs. The woman stopped. "Ooooooo, I gotta fart." She sits
on Mike's chest and lets out a long bassy fart. Mike can feel the
thunderous vibration on his chest, but he's already having hard time
breathing because of all the weight. He just watches as her perfect
yet heavy rear spread over his chest and hang off on the sides. He
thinks if she wanted to she could completely bury his face in her
ass. Then it hit him the almost unbearable odor of her fart. He
coughs and gags now having even harder time breathing. She starts
bouncing up and down on his chest again. Mike tries to stop the
woman by putting his arms up to stop her but he's not strong enough.
Between gravity and her weight he's powerless against her. He
continues to try to stop her and in the process she squashes his arm
bending his wrist back. Now in agony he holds his wrist, as he moans
in pain. The woman looks back at him, "Are you going to give up?"
Mike says nothing he just rolls around in pain. "Oh nothing to say
huh, she turns and backs her butt towards Mike's face. Mike watches
in horror as the large ass gets closer and closer. His nose is now
directly under her ass. The woman can feel his heavy breathing.
"PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA RRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPP
PP PPPPPPP" Oh my gosh the woman says. "Man that was a big one".
"What was I thinking chili and beer" "I won't have that combination
again". As she lets out another barrage of farts on his face, the
telephone rings. She lets the answering machine pick it up since
she's busy at the moment. She listens as it beeps...."Hey Stacy it's
Greg I was just seeing if you were awake because I wanted to come
over, but you're probably sleep so I'll talk to you later on or you
can call me when you get this message, love you". Stacy's eyes light
up as she realizes that she caught a real burglar. Oh trying to
steal from me huh". She stands up and then let's herself falls on
top of Mike butt first, and then she sits back on his face. "I was
trying to hold back a little since I thought you were my man but
since your not you're in for it. Stacy leans forward and lets out
some monstrous farts on his face. Mike groans and is hoping that
she will just call the police to get it over with.
Stacy then moves side to side with Mikes face still in her butt.
Mike is completely drained from the abuse and lack of oxygen.
"Please just call the police to get this over with, says Mike in a
very faint voice. Stacy ignores him and answers his request with a
few more big farts. The odor is so strong Mike doesn't know how much
more he can take without passing away. His chest is extremely sore
and he's not sure if his wrist is sprained or broken. Stacy
readjusts herself and pins his arms down by putting her feet on his
hands. "BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPP PPP" Mike
flinches and tries to move but it's no use. He realizes that he
won't be able to get up until she lets him. Stacy decides to stop
playing with him and gets up to pick up the phone. Mike tries to
move but he's in too much pain. Stacy gets the phone. "Where do
you think you're going?" says Stacy. She stands over Mike. Knowing
what she's about to do, Mike turns to his side. "That's not going
to stop me, says Stacy and she lets her self fall on him again. Mike
squirms and moves in agony as his left arm is now pinned in the crack
of Stacy's very large ass. She forces him to his back and sits on
his face again.
"PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL LLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AA BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT" Stacy laughs as
she fans herself. She decided that she tortured him enough and
calls 911.
911: Police, Fire, Ambulance?
Stacy: Police (PppppppAAAAAARRRRRPPPPPP)
911: what's the problem?
Stacy: I have a burglar in my house.
911: where is the subject at?
Stacy: Well I'm sitting on him now.
911 pause).......ok....are you okay? Do you know if there's any one
else inside?
Stacy: yeah I'm fine; he's the one that needs help since I ate 3
bowls of chili. I'm not sure if anyone else is here, but I'm in my
bedroom with the door locked.
911: (trying not to laugh) ok stay where you are the officers are on
there way. Don't hang up. You're at 9114 Central Ave correct?
Stacy: yes
911: Ok
Dispatcher: hit's alert button) Beep, Beep, Beep........Units: 23,
31, 35, 39, S1, & 65 ......9114 Central Ave Burglary in progress, one
subject is detained by female complainant, unsure if there are others
in the house.
Radio: S1 copy.....31 copy.....23 copy.....35 copy...65 copy...39
copy.
911: ma'am just stay on the line with me I'll let you know when
it's safe to open the door.
Stacy: Ok ("PPPPPPPPPPPlLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAABBBBBTTTTT" whew!
911: are you ok ma'am?
Stacy: yeah don't mind me I just have gas.
911: (laughing) ok.....and you're sitting on that subject still?
Stacy: yeah you may need an ambulance for him soon though I don't
think he's gonna make it.
911: (laughing harder smacking the radio console)...oh, oh, ok.
Radio: 39's out, 23's out......." 39 to radio I have an open window.
Dispatcher: units responding to 9114 Central Ave, 39 reporting an
open window.
Radio: S1's out, 35's out, 65's out, 31's out.
911: ma'am the police are there just stay where you are until they
finish checking the house.
Stacy: Ok
Jack see's all the police cars flying to the house. He tries to
call Mike on the radio but he doesn't answer. "Shit he got caught".
Jack turns on the car and pulls off without being seen. The police
search the house and see no one around. The sergeant tells the
dispatcher to have the caller open the door. Stacy opens the door
and everyone is almost blown away by the fumes. "I'm sorry I have
gas, let me open up the window". They look as her butt switches from
side to side as she walks to the window. They look down and see the
burglar. They pick him up and handcuff him. Mike can barely move on
his own. They walk him down stairs as the sergeant asks her what
happened. She explains how she thought it was her boyfriend trying
to scare her that's why she didn't take it seriously at first. She
explained how she sat on him and farted once she found out and also
how she bounced on his chest. The sergeant tries to take the report
with a straight face. He tells her good job. "Ooooooo I think you
better leave, I gotta fart real bad. Do you have everything you need?
The sergeant shakes his head. She has him walk in front as she can't
hold it anymore and farts.
"BBBBBBBBBBBLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPTTTTTTTT T" the sergeant is
actually turned on by it, and try's to control himself. As he turns
to tell her to take care she notices his erection. She sees it and
smiles. "Wait a minute", she says.
She gets a piece of paper and writes down her number and hands it to
him. "Call me sometime". Oh ok.......what about your boyfriend?"
"What he doesn't know won't kill him". He smiles and walks to his
car. The next day Stacy looks at the newspaper headlines "Woman
Captures Burglar with the Help of Flatulence Due To Chili Dinner".
Stacy smiles as she sits on the sergeant's lap at home and farts. As
she's getting turned on by the strong erection he has..........."See
if it wasn't for that chili we never would have met, as she turns to
kiss him"...........The END!
